2002-07-15 Diary

In order to survive and to move on, should I resist something?  Should I be somewhat untamed?  Should I look down on the faith that was kept in my mind for so long time?  Recently, I found that if I don¡¦t put up a strong resistance to my past faith and thinking, I would not have the power to have my life move on.

Big changes were like floods flowing through the river of my life.  I was like a boat, floating on them and experienced them.  I felt my boat waver heavily.  If I did not trigger some actions, I would have been drowned in the flood.  

A friend said goodbye to me again.  You, he, and she all treated me like this.  You intruded in my land of life, leaved something, and then just said goodbye to me.  You were not going to stay with me.  And this made me disappointed.  How would I treat you?  Would you please tell me how?  Were you a dear friend or just a betrayer?  Would I take you as a partner or a traitor?  The complex thoughts conflict with each other in my mind.

So, I have to forget all the warmth you gave me.  I have to resist my out-of-date thoughts toward love and faith.  I have to resist all the people who appeared shortly in my life.  And then, I can bravely embrace all the changes you gave me, right?

The departure had given me the energy to leave the sea area where I used to be in.  Life goes on in such a way.
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